PROLOGUE (current)
>ANNA: Introduce yourself.
Your name is ANNA COLEMAN. You like to promote yourself as a PROPRIETOR OF THE FINEST MAGICKS, even though in reality, you're what people tend to call a HUGE FRAUD. Your words are sassy and scathing, and you're usually ready to laugh at whatever misfortune befalls others. Despite this, you're CHARISMATIC ENOUGH to keep your close friends.
Your other interests include watching DRAMAS AND SOAP OPERAS, playing the occasional VIDEO GAME, and of course, talking to your FRIENDS.
You are about to engage in a LIFE-CHANGING GAME called SBURB with four of your friends. Though you do not know it yet, you are destined to become the THIEF OF TIME. You are also a DERSE DREAMER.
>Engage in shenaniganry (1)
You open up your browser and check on one of your many WEBSITES. This one is your best-selling site where you give auto-generated tarot readings for a daily sum. You are certain the massive amounts of cash you rake in will prove handy in the future.
Lately though, you've been receiving unusually high sums in an unfamiliar currency called "boondollars". You suspect there's some foul play afoot, and make a note to check your many PROXIES for error.
>Chat with TOBY (2)
You start up a round of chatter on your client, HARMONY.
incensePrincess connected with skepticsAnalysis
[IP] sooooo are you almost done with it?
[SA] shut UP i literally JUST finished hacking it like 3 mins ago
[IP] 3 minutes ago is 3 minutes we could've been playing.
[SA] harmony needs to let me use emojis so i can flip you off
[SA] wish it wasnt the only chat client that works with SBURBs format
[IP] lmao it's SO jank isnt it?
[IP] anyway i'm gonna try to talk to Jack later about the game.
[IP] he's gonna try to invite Lara if he can get her to pay attention.
[SA] shes always off writing fanfiction shell be here in like 69 yrs lolol
[IP] said as if your conspiracy theory forums aren't also fanfiction.
[SA] my forums are NOT for conspiracy theories theyre for the HIGHEST TIER INTELLECTUAL DEBATES get it RIGHT
[IP] look. as someone who does a shitton of scambaiting. i call it like i see it.
skepticsAnalysis set status update:
'Dismissing the Ploys'
TOBY seems distressed at your insinuation that his fakey-fake science bullshit is, in fact, fakey-fake science bullshit. Currently, you don't care. He's a few steps shy of an incel, but you think maybe this form of tough love will drag him out of his self-centeredness. Or at least it'll be really, really funny.
>Chat with JACK (3)
You start up a round of chatter on your client, HARMONY.
incensePrincess connected with radicalBotanical
[IP] hey guess what.
[RB] chicken butt? :o
[IP] nnnnnnnno. toby's looking at those dumb forums again.
[RB] really? i've told him like five times that those things are bad for him :/
[IP] yeah i know, i've tried telling him too.
[RB] it's making me a little nervous for meeting him IRL.
[RB] like i know we're supposed to be able to see each other once this whole SBURB thing starts but...
[IP] dwdw, i'm trying to pull him out of it.
[RB] which reminds me!!!
[RB] i think i've been having anxiety dreams about playing SBURB.
[RB] i keep dreaming that i'm in this weird yellow outfit and these funny-looking people in a kingdom are trying to warn me about something.
[IP] what makes you think they're warning you about SBURB specifically?
[RB] i don't know. it's just a gut feeling i guess.
[IP] how about i set up a good luck charm for you?
[RB] i thought you didn't believe in those.
[IP] i don't, lmao. but you're usually pretty chill so i wanna help you keep the good vibes.
[RB] i appreciate the thought! just don't send me any more of that hokey incense.
[IP] for someone who sticks around plants you're really sensitive to smell.
[IP] like i used to think you were a stoner but there's no way you'd handle the scent of the devil's lettuce.
[RB] the only thing i'm high on is life!!! :D
[IP] anyway. i'll set you up with some QUALITY snake oil. sit tight.
incensePrincess set status update:
'Aligning the Chakras'
JACK seems concerned about TOBY's health and the future of your SBURB SESSION. You're secretly a little worried yourself, but JACK is usually pretty confident and collected, so you don't want to put even more pressure on him than he's facing now. You're not sure if that's helpful or just a dick move, but you suppose you'll find out in the future.
>Dream (4)
All of that ridiculousness made you tired. You decide to take a nap.
You are now on DERSE. In your dream, you meet a startlingly realistic version of TOBY. That's really fuckin' weird.
TOBY looks at you. And you look at him. And he looks at you. And you look at him. You're pretty sure Weird Al sang something like that.
Eventually, your attention is brought elsewhere by a strange swishing sound. You see a man idly slashing at the air with a knife. Man, he looks badass.
You watch the guy for a few more moments, only to realize once you've looked away that TOBY is gone. Well, you're pretty sure he's just a figment of your dreaming self, so no need to worry right now. Poor sucker probably skittered off when he saw someone who actually knows how to handle a shiv.
Unfortunately, any attempt to be amicable with this tough guy seems to be fruitless. It's kind of hard to make chitchat when you're actively trying not to get stabbed.
You decide now would be a good time to WAKE UP.
>Get trolled by ??? (5)
Someone is messaging you on HARMONY. You don't remember adding anyone who types like that as a friend.
incensePrincess connected with submergingHighroller
[SH] oh $hit i gue$$ thi$ thing actually work$.
[IP] who are you???
[SH] the better que$tion i$, who are YOU?
[SH] becau$e a$ far a$ i know, you're the piece of $hit who kept ripping me off with the bogu$ tarot reading$.
[IP] holy shit. any complaints about my services should have been redirected to my side email.
[IP] how did you find this account?
[SH] i have my way$. in fact, it'$ your unique abilitie$ that are allowing me to contact you at all, if i had to gue$$.
[IP] i'm gonna block you now.
[SH] good luck-- i'll be back to troll you again in the near future.
[SH] or... maybe the pa$t? ;o)
incensePrincess has blocked submergingHighroller
You're left with more questions than answers.
>Chat with LARA (6)
You start up a round of chatter on your client, HARMONY.
incensePrincess connected with explicitArchetype
[EA] Hey Anna! Are you excited to try out SBURB? :D
[IP] obviously! i've been talking with jack and toby like nonstop the past few hours.
[EA] So... how much about this game do we actually know?
[IP] well according to toby, this game is supposed to be sorta like an mmo where you get to build the environment and kill monsters that invade.
[EA] That sounds pretty cool!
[IP] yeah, it's pretty far-out. i think it also involves some sort of boss fight and like, a character-breeding system?
[EA] Ohoho, spicy~
[IP] i don't think it's as smutty as you're making it out to be.
[IP] then again, i wasn't completely listening because he went into a weird tangent about aliens and lizard-people again so.
[EA] Yeah, he does that a lot :/
[IP] i think we're going to start up the game soon. do you have the installer already downloaded?
[EA] Jack is forwarding the files now!
[IP] cool. it'll probably be a solid while before they finish installing, so i'll probably just read some of your fanfiction while i wait.
[EA] Enjoy!
explicitArchetype set status update:
'Finessing the Locution'
>Engage in shenaniganry (7)
You open up your browser once again. You hesitate to admit it out loud, but Lara's fanfiction is quite tasteful. Despite not having an account on the notorious fanfiction site, you find yourself idly browsing her works more often than you probably should.
It appears her latest work is rather salacious in nature. You peek through the lines of text and giggle like a schoolgirl.
Lara, you shameless angel.
>Strategize for game entry (8)
You start up a round of chatter on your client, HARMONY.
skepticsAnalysis created multilog: "TEAM HARMONY"
[SA] alright i think everythings working now
[SA] so jack & i decided itd be better to create a group chat to keep everything organized and make sure no fuckups happen when we boot up
[IP] team harmony??? i assume that was Jack's idea.
[RB] well yeah! if we're going to play some multiplayer game that pits us against enemies we need to have a team name, right?
[EA] I think it's a great idea! Building a solid foundation of teamwork first is important.
[SA] FFS this is not a GAME people
[IP] it. literally is.
[RB] anyway i think we should start discussing logistics before we all boot up our games, just to help us stay on track.
[RB] i'll admit i'm skeptical about this game... considering toby had to mod some archaic files. i don't want anyone's desktops exploding.
[EA] That would be extremely cliche, albeit thematically humorous.
[SA] everyone zip it for like 10 seconds god
[SA] first of all this game is developed from ALIEN TECHNOLOGY that i had to HACK INTO not just modding some dusty program files
[SA] second of all we gotta be EXTREMELY careful about entering this game
[SA] cant supply details right now
[EA] Toby... I get that you're interested in all sorts of paranormal events, but it's making me a bit nervous that you're claiming this game came from aliens.
[SA] listen i know i tout a metric assload of theories and not all of them are pinpoint accurate alright i get it
[SA] but i swear im telling the truth on this
[RB] guys......... we're losing focus. you know the game? that we need to start getting ready for? that thing? :/
[IP] maybe you should explain the gameplay Jack. you and toby know more about it than lara and me, right?
[IP] we've all got a client file and a server file installed.
[RB] right. toby and i talked and it seems like the best idea is to do a sort of "chain entry" so we can all get into the game together.
[EA] Like ouroboros!
[SA] now lara gets it
[EA] So who should go into the game first, and who should be their server player?
[RB] i think the order that makes the most sense would be for anna to start serverside, and i'll be her client. then i'll be the server for lara, who will be the server for toby, and then toby will be the server for anna.
[EA] Won't that cause some difficulty? If Jack has to be my server while he's also Anna's client, will monsters spawn, or something equally outrageous?
[IP] Lara raises a good point.
[RB] it'll be tough, yeah, but it's our only real option. and i believe we can all do it!!! (ouo)b
[SA] is that a thumbs up or
[RB] i have faith in you anna! just lmk when you finish setting up the server.
[IP] alrighty, you got me. let's get this done.